Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
