booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
