I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Randomize
