my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You are the jesus of drinking
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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