awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it's like iHOP with fire
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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