Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
