This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
