like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize