but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize