I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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