I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
