you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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