No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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