How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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