return my video game
My liver just broke up with me...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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