bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
