hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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