we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How does one acquire holy water?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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