every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
