Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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