dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
