the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
