I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize