I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
