This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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