I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
no you cant smoke seaweed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
