I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
