He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
