You made me cry and you don't even care
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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