I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
