Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
