Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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