You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
