mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
