four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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