Nicole vs. Life
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
