If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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