super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
