I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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