why didn't you poke me back
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
