How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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