I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
