textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize