I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
