Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
