You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Randomize
