this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
