I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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