when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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