so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
