My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
