an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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