after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
