No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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