girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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