Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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