my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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