Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
