i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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