Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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