i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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