I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
