My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
