the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
ugly people sure do ruin things
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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