they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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