I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
