At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
