just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
