why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize