Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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