remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
