you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
