Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
