Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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