I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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