we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Still dying that you shit outside
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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