went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
