I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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