I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize