I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
