I am puke
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
