i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
