thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
