I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
PANTIES FOUND
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