I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
