It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
