Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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