margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
