i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
