And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
