Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
