whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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