I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
