I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize