I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
