What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
