Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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