Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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