my mouth tastes like poor choices
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
