No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
