What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
