is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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