People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
