does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
