So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
