she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
