I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
