I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
