I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
