somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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