I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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